Today is not a typical Wednesday. I haven't had a typical Wednesday in quite some time, come to think of it.
Today's scenery features some accommodating-looking benches and seats that look as though no one sits in them for extended periods of time sprawled throughout a waiting room. I've discovered why no one would want to sit in these chairs - and might have a hard time sitting still during the journey north tomorrow. For once, I'm doing the waiting. It seems strange. Elderly men are scattered throughout this room, as their wives are anxiously checking to ensure everything is okay closer to the surgery center. At this particular moment, there are no small children waiting. The peace is interrupted only by the clicking of keys on my keyboard, the frustrated flips of magazine pages by one rather cranky-looking man, and two televisions maybe 20 feet apart from each other struggling to be more annoying. The large windows allow me to look out into the parking lot, the busy road in front of the center, and slightly beyond that to the next set of parking lots. Medical Mile offers little in the way of actual scenery.
The small concessions made for comfort consist of a coffee dispenser. For those that drink coffee, that might help make the wait bearable. Wise to the ways of hospitals, I brought along my own giant water bottle and several snack options. Trust me, I'm not a fat kid. I'm just looking out for my survival, since I have been in this room for 6 overwhelmingly enjoyable hours now. Conveniently, the waiting room is also decently close to a large vending machine that I know better than to use [it likes to eat my money and leave me staring longingly at the empty calories proudly displayed inside] and bathrooms that evidently missed out on the building-wide remodeling project. A small box of actual Kleenex sits atop the registration counter.
The truly amazing thing about this room would have to be the number of hand-sanitizer dispensers one can find throughout. Despite the lack of wall space that isn't already covered with some attempt of looking cultured or refined, there are no less than 6 dispensers to be found in this rather strange waiting room. When I want to stretch my legs for a bit, I decide upon a path to take me past each and every one of them. I also make sure to use all of them, mostly to further the opinion that young people are strange to all those who surround me in this tiny cubicle of germ infestation.
As I journeyed from one hand sanitizer dispenser to the next, I realized that each and every one of them featured a different brand posted on the outside. Hospitals know far more than one would think about making sure they get the best deal for themselves...and evidently have no issues with mounting another hand sanitizer dispenser in order to obtain some free germ-killing liquid goodness.
If nothing else, I have enjoyed borrowing your wireless internet for the day, waiting room. The other thing I have appreciated - how well the various soap operas and television shows fit together seamlessly in one plot as both televisions are blasted at volumes necessary to ensure that all present are able to hear. iCarly and the Young and Restless is quite the combination if you get bored.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Workaholic Lifestyle
It's very difficult for me to "take a break" or "relax". Of course, I can do these things, but I prefer to work nonstop [or as nonstop as possible] with little regard to what day of the week it is or what time of the day/night it happens to be. To most people, this is a problem. To me, it's a way of life.
I believe in giving my all. If something needs to be done, I'm going to take the time to do it right.It's not that I don't have fun. Quite the opposite, really. I believe I'm there for my friends when they need me, and I know I've got friends outside of the computer. At least they pretend to like me, and they aren't in my imagination.
Everyone's life is different. So give them a chance to be themselves without having to struggle through judgment for how they choose to use their time. I have always been one to massively overpack, and with my time, I am no different. Sitting aimlessly has never been for me. How do you pack your days?
I believe in giving my all. If something needs to be done, I'm going to take the time to do it right.It's not that I don't have fun. Quite the opposite, really. I believe I'm there for my friends when they need me, and I know I've got friends outside of the computer. At least they pretend to like me, and they aren't in my imagination.
Everyone's life is different. So give them a chance to be themselves without having to struggle through judgment for how they choose to use their time. I have always been one to massively overpack, and with my time, I am no different. Sitting aimlessly has never been for me. How do you pack your days?
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
I can feel something inside me say "I really don't think you're strong enough."
Challenges.
We stand tall.
The brute force
and the distaste of
others will always lead
me to want nothing
more than to say
goodbye to all
that I know.
This poem is as unlike me as it gets. I am the overly determined person who doesn't like it when others rain on my parade. Yes, I know, the glass is NOT overflowing with positive energy and commitment. I'm no fool. At the same time, it's important to be optimistic.
I don't start something halfheartedly. I am in it to win it. I give it my all, and am not satisfied until I can sense that I have made great strides and changed something for the better. While it's simple to simply allow things to "continue on as they always have and always will", this particular mindset is the one that makes me most determined to be open to change. Traditions will have their place, and while there are those traditions I love dearly, it's important to also stay in the present.
My mindset has been in the wrong place lately. My worries have led me to focus less than I should. My attentions have been pulled away by matters that I cannot influence as heavily as I wish.
What I can do is stay strong, keep working hard, and always keep in mind that a to-do list is not a contract for each and every day, but rather that I need to make sure to stay sane and balanced with all that I do. While I appreciate the additional responsibilities that others have entrusted me to execute, I also am concerned that no one, least of all myself, has a real understanding of what I am supposed to do to make this all become reality. I'm sure I'll figure it. Eventually.
We stand tall.
The brute force
and the distaste of
others will always lead
me to want nothing
more than to say
goodbye to all
that I know.
This poem is as unlike me as it gets. I am the overly determined person who doesn't like it when others rain on my parade. Yes, I know, the glass is NOT overflowing with positive energy and commitment. I'm no fool. At the same time, it's important to be optimistic.
I don't start something halfheartedly. I am in it to win it. I give it my all, and am not satisfied until I can sense that I have made great strides and changed something for the better. While it's simple to simply allow things to "continue on as they always have and always will", this particular mindset is the one that makes me most determined to be open to change. Traditions will have their place, and while there are those traditions I love dearly, it's important to also stay in the present.
My mindset has been in the wrong place lately. My worries have led me to focus less than I should. My attentions have been pulled away by matters that I cannot influence as heavily as I wish.
What I can do is stay strong, keep working hard, and always keep in mind that a to-do list is not a contract for each and every day, but rather that I need to make sure to stay sane and balanced with all that I do. While I appreciate the additional responsibilities that others have entrusted me to execute, I also am concerned that no one, least of all myself, has a real understanding of what I am supposed to do to make this all become reality. I'm sure I'll figure it. Eventually.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
a school assignment.
Snapshots. Memories.
A lifetime to say hello, a moment to say goodbye.
You know that you are starting with nothing, and struggling to build.
You’ve studied and scrambled for every break you get.
Being the young one is tough sometimes. At least it’s only a number.
Needing help from others is not a sign of weakness, but of opportunity that you are blessed with.
It’s difficult to close the door on the people who hurt you.
It’s worse to know that you’re being the bigger person and bleeding inside.
You struggle through each and every moment, pretending to be happy.
Speak up.
[Listen to: Photograph: Nickelback, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BB0DU4DoPP4
It isn’t going to be the end of the world to be known as the girl who spoke her mind.
You’ll see that tomorrow comes even if you end today completely mortified.
Being the girl who has to leave prom for medical reasons is one way to be remembered.
You’ll know that no matter what happens, you must keep in touch with yourself.
You’ll stay strong, be proud, and sing along to every song that blasts from the cheap radio.
Dance even through it is raining, scream because it hurts, and love because you can.
Staying strong is about so much more than making sure that everyone else is okay.
You have to be whole first.
[Listen to: Headstrong: Trapt, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HTvu1Yr3Ohk
Your cocoon will soon be bursting open as you kiss the small-town life goodbye.
Leaving to go to college is something that you’ve longed for since junior high.
You’ve known all along that you were going to dash away the first chance you got.
Minimizing connections, trying hard to make sure that you do just enough to seem normal.
You struggle with the concept that you may someday need to come back to this place.
Remember, the world is an entire globe, not the tip of one pin.
Raise your voices, raise them high will do more than be a song lyric.
It will be the way to live.
[Listen to: Raise Your Voices: Girls State Song, (I am NOT filming this epic performance, but can do it!)
Beauty isn’t about the money people spend on clothes or the time they spend putting on makeup.
You’ve realized a long time ago that you’re surrounded by ugliness of the soul and heart.
The people who want to change you, make you into something you’re not are soon forgotten.
Simply because they themselves have decided to get lost…in the world of pretty facades.
They lose themselves into the bottles and cans of alcohol that are so freely available
And fail to recognize the true potential of what they could be, if only…
[Listen to: Breakaway: Kelly Clarkson, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c-3vPxKdj6o
The songs of childhood, so simple and sweet.
The songs of adolescents make your parents wonder what sort of monster you’ve hidden inside.
As you turn it up, simply to drown everything out, you don’t realize the scope of your actions.
You’re tuning out far more than other people, you’re reverting to a time of simplicity.
The times alone mean so much, for you finally get to think.
The only interruption is the brief pause between songs.
Your chin quivers as you think about the pain you went through over the past several years
You write, scribble, write, scribble, and are unsure of what to say to wash the pain away
Your commencement address is one that contains nothing of what you want to say
But the hidden message is very clear to those you hold dear:
Run away. Don’t invest your time, your love, your passion here. The small town kills it all.
The people are poison. They invite you in, pretend to be polite.
Acceptance is only for those who join in their crusade. For the others, you’ll never be allowed in.
[Listen to: Kryptonite: 3 Doors Down, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xPU8OAjjS4k
But does it matter? You can decide. You’ll make choices you’ll regret, but you’ll learn.
Each and every step, every boy you kiss, and every time your heart breaks, you see.
It will only lead you into becoming a stronger woman that others will never understand.
This may seem like gibberish now, but bear with me, for only time can tell.
You’ll make mistakes, to be sure. You’ll hurt in ways I can’t explain, but you’ll persevere.
No matter what comes your way – and trust me, it’ll come – you will be able to stand your own.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
humidity. sweltering.
Memo to Katy Perry: It's definitely hot enough to melt a solid block of ice. Forget that pesky Popsicle already.
As you may have guessed, the weather in Maryville is once again my topic that I have found blog-worthy. Normally, you're taught to only talk about the weather if there is nothing else to talk about. However, I feel challenged by every blistering ray of sunlight that makes my skin adopt a red tint. The sparse clouds in the sky show no mercy from the sun, much as the wintry weather of Maryville shows no mercy. The readjustment from Arctic Circle to Equator has taken place now that it is officially summertime according to the calendar.
Of course, with the sunny and gorgeous-looking days [never judge a book by its cover!] comes the trek of hundreds to attend SOAR daily. As a glutton for punishment, I work for Campus Dining and have said yes to several days of working catering for these events. You cannot begin to imagine how much work is involved in a single day of SOAR from the food side of things.
My feet hate me. Between all of the walking involved with a conference and working catering, my feet are covering in blisters and scars and all sorts of non-festering wounds. I would get around to re-doing my pedicure, but I just don't see the point given that the rest of my feet look quite horrific.
As you may have guessed, the weather in Maryville is once again my topic that I have found blog-worthy. Normally, you're taught to only talk about the weather if there is nothing else to talk about. However, I feel challenged by every blistering ray of sunlight that makes my skin adopt a red tint. The sparse clouds in the sky show no mercy from the sun, much as the wintry weather of Maryville shows no mercy. The readjustment from Arctic Circle to Equator has taken place now that it is officially summertime according to the calendar.
Of course, with the sunny and gorgeous-looking days [never judge a book by its cover!] comes the trek of hundreds to attend SOAR daily. As a glutton for punishment, I work for Campus Dining and have said yes to several days of working catering for these events. You cannot begin to imagine how much work is involved in a single day of SOAR from the food side of things.
My feet hate me. Between all of the walking involved with a conference and working catering, my feet are covering in blisters and scars and all sorts of non-festering wounds. I would get around to re-doing my pedicure, but I just don't see the point given that the rest of my feet look quite horrific.
Friday, June 25, 2010
A Brief Synopsis
One thought continues to run through my mind.
"We are legit."
It scares me a bit.
I wonder what it is I should be doing.
I think that I've got a good grasp on it.
I strain against the dark of the unknown.
Knowing I'm not alone,
Despite feeling otherwise,
Creates a unique sense of challenge.
I want to be in complete control.
I don't want to have to jump in
and have to deal with the consequences
and choices of others.
I struggle to maintain a sense of self
A sense of belonging,
plus the confidence that I can
do all that I have before me and more.
The endless summer sun
makes me believe
that as long as I stay positive
that no matter what happens
I can continue to roll with the punches
and smile through the tears.
I can make any thought I have reality.
Together we can make this happen.
However, you need to open up.
It's difficult to understand what direction
you want me to take
when you only speak
to contradict.
I love you dearly
and have grown with you
for the past few years.
However, despite the public perception
you've pushed me further away
distanced yourself even more
and refrained from explanation.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Plague #5: Rejection in Form Letters and Applying for Unemployment
Date: [be sure to date a week late, since promptness is our middle name, and you
know the intern who is Bob's son forgets to drop off the mail at least twice a week]
After careful consideration [okay, about 30 seconds] of your application [you know, the epic you wrote us about your life, complete with every personal detail needed to steal your identity in case our business goes under], we [although these letters only have one signature?] have decided to hire another applicant. [Fantastic. Glad to know I wasted time and money.] We will keep your application on file for ## of days/weeks/months [You mean, wait for Bob's son the intern to shred it whenever he gets his head out of his ass.] and will be in contact with you [We've already forgotten your name] in case of any openings that may occur [and you have our full permission to begin to pity them at your earliest convenience.].
Once again, thank you for your interest [ha! You just want a paycheck, sucker!] in our company.
'
Sincerely,
[I'm too lazy to sign my name. Stamp it, Bob's son the Intern.]
[Some officer or executive, or at least a manager]
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Obviously, by this point, you can tell that I've been racking up quite the collection of job rejection letters. This doesn't take into account the folks who are kind enough to make a call or send an email rather than making you wait the week or so for the letter to make it your way assuming that they are prompt in making a decision.
Whoever writes these form letters should be fired, and then they should hire me. I mean, between jobs and relationships, I've definitely got a resume filled with rejection.
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Applying for unemployment is quite the interesting process. I love how very very specific the questions are, and then how very stingy the state of Missouri happens to be. I spent 2 hours on the phone with a "claims adjustment specialist" because they couldn't understand how I was making a living on my job that I have during the school year. I thought it was a pretty good question myself...but then I thought of student loans.
I advise having a LOT of patience, enjoying craptastic hold music, and a lot of comfort food nearby to make it through the process. Just thinking about it makes me want to start baking up a storm...
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I wonder how many trees have been killed in denying employment to Americans...just think, it's probably enough to forest over the entire state of Minnesota. It could be Timber Stadium instead of Target Stadium. ;) Just kidding! but seriously, Kansas and Nebraska could use a few trees...
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