numbness comes in waves
my hand feels naked
the groove is still there
the skin is soft - it soaks up tears
just more proof that life isn't fair.
it all seems useless.
the smiles, hellos,
the "good, how about you?"
the need to be with someone
but to still be alone.
even ben & jerry didn't change the mood.
i feel sick but i'm not hopeless.
how do you try so hard yet fail?
music haunts me because
you still sing along.
the rumors and bad people hit
like a horrid gale
just let me know if you need to talk
or yell
or cry
the last thing i want to do
is live the happy lie
but i have no desire to make you
or break you
or hate you
i am not going to hurt you
because as difficult as it is
to be true to my word, i know
that we each need to breathe
gather our thoughts
and muster the courage
to leave.
Friday, May 13, 2011
Sunday, April 24, 2011
mental fortitude.
There's an unspoken type of strength that is often underestimated in life: the ability of an individual to not allow stress, pressure, or distraction to prevent them from achieving the goals and dreams. People who are easy to manipulate are often called "head cases" and it affects far more than their ability to perform a certain activity - it can eventually take over their life.
Everyone responds to the outside pressures and stresses of life differently. I have discovered that my personal reaction is to start to shut down and want to sleep all of the time. This is a change from stress eating, but at the same time, it does not help me to achieve. All it does is further stress me out, which plunges me deeper into the need for sleep. Often, I am sitting up at a random hour finishing (or even worse, starting) a project that is due in mere hours.
Realizing your weaknesses is a key to becoming stronger. Being open and honest about them only helps to assist others who may potentially have the same weakness but aren't quite as able to express themselves. They will eventually reach that stage, but for now, they need the time to realize their weaknesses, figure out their reactions, and then be able to talk freely...is all part of the process in finding a solution.
For me, my solution would be determination and a quality to-dominate list system. I have a chalkboard that I require myself to empty complete before the end of the night and then refill whenever I am gearing up to accomplish for the day. On my window is a series of Post-It notes where I scribble to-dominate items as they come to mind or as I am reading/responding to emails. Yes, you had better believe they are even color-coded. I'm OCD like that...they are also in groups of 4, but that's another long story. Whether intentional or not, my to-dominate lists are always written and accomplished in sections of 4.
How do you keep the outside pressures outside?
Everyone responds to the outside pressures and stresses of life differently. I have discovered that my personal reaction is to start to shut down and want to sleep all of the time. This is a change from stress eating, but at the same time, it does not help me to achieve. All it does is further stress me out, which plunges me deeper into the need for sleep. Often, I am sitting up at a random hour finishing (or even worse, starting) a project that is due in mere hours.
Realizing your weaknesses is a key to becoming stronger. Being open and honest about them only helps to assist others who may potentially have the same weakness but aren't quite as able to express themselves. They will eventually reach that stage, but for now, they need the time to realize their weaknesses, figure out their reactions, and then be able to talk freely...is all part of the process in finding a solution.
For me, my solution would be determination and a quality to-dominate list system. I have a chalkboard that I require myself to empty complete before the end of the night and then refill whenever I am gearing up to accomplish for the day. On my window is a series of Post-It notes where I scribble to-dominate items as they come to mind or as I am reading/responding to emails. Yes, you had better believe they are even color-coded. I'm OCD like that...they are also in groups of 4, but that's another long story. Whether intentional or not, my to-dominate lists are always written and accomplished in sections of 4.
How do you keep the outside pressures outside?
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Are you a Cheerio or a Froot Loop?
This morning, I was busy stocking cereal while at work, and I grabbed 5 boxes of Apple Cinnamon Cheerios and 4 boxes of Froot Loops [don't ask me why I still remember 12+ hours later...obviously I need a life] in order to replenish the shelves.While I was ensuring that everything was FIFO'd, my boss came up behind me and asked the question that is today's blog post title: Are you a Cheerio or a Froot Loop?
I had no idea how to answer this question - also, it was right around 7am. My power of thought is rather absent at this hour. I still have no idea how to answer this question.
I need to get past my dislike of cereal. Perhaps that it is the problem.
I had no idea how to answer this question - also, it was right around 7am. My power of thought is rather absent at this hour. I still have no idea how to answer this question.
I need to get past my dislike of cereal. Perhaps that it is the problem.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
When we do it, we do it right...
When I close my eyes and think about friendships that I truly treasure, and that I would sacrifice anything to preserve, one particular person comes to mind before anyone else. Admittedly, it took a fair amount of persistence on my part to get this individual to open up to me, let alone actually have a meaningful conversation. [I'm pretty sure they thought I was some creep who just actively stalked them on Facebook and Google Talk...which may be true, but that's a minor detail at this point.]
I never would have dreamed that we'd be talking daily, that they would constantly inspire me, and that they would trust me with their life. Likewise, I never thought there would be someone in my life who means as much as they do - honestly, when I have news to share, they are the first non-family member to find out without fail. Generally, they find out about major life developments before most of my family!
I'm not sure if they read my blog. Honestly, that doesn't matter. None of the little things in life matter until you have someone who can show you that anything and everything you do is precious to someone. Sometimes I feel as though I am overwhelming to folks, and my friendship with this individual has enabled me to become a better, more attentive listener who isn't focused on what comes next in the conversation, but rather, how everything ties together and how I can be there to listen, care, and love without a second thought.
Despite some of our more extreme differences, our friendship has grown stronger through every challenge or every bit of controversy that enters each of our lives. Conversations are never forced, and in accordance to our joint pet peeve, we always ensure that we do our best to say goodbye or good night in some way, shape, or form - rather than allowing the conversation to hang awkwardly with no real end.
I may not know their other closest friends, and they may not know mine, but all of our friends are aware of the powerful bond that we share as friends, and know that we cherish each other for everything we are and quite a few of the things that we are not. Someday, we shall get to know one another's friends, but as with all things in life, time and distance are unfortunate constraints.
To close - mostly so the person referenced throughout this blog post will know it is them without a doubt [I'm going to operate under the presumption they read my blog] - Puma Puma Pumaaaaaaaa. Muah! :D
I never would have dreamed that we'd be talking daily, that they would constantly inspire me, and that they would trust me with their life. Likewise, I never thought there would be someone in my life who means as much as they do - honestly, when I have news to share, they are the first non-family member to find out without fail. Generally, they find out about major life developments before most of my family!
I'm not sure if they read my blog. Honestly, that doesn't matter. None of the little things in life matter until you have someone who can show you that anything and everything you do is precious to someone. Sometimes I feel as though I am overwhelming to folks, and my friendship with this individual has enabled me to become a better, more attentive listener who isn't focused on what comes next in the conversation, but rather, how everything ties together and how I can be there to listen, care, and love without a second thought.
Despite some of our more extreme differences, our friendship has grown stronger through every challenge or every bit of controversy that enters each of our lives. Conversations are never forced, and in accordance to our joint pet peeve, we always ensure that we do our best to say goodbye or good night in some way, shape, or form - rather than allowing the conversation to hang awkwardly with no real end.
I may not know their other closest friends, and they may not know mine, but all of our friends are aware of the powerful bond that we share as friends, and know that we cherish each other for everything we are and quite a few of the things that we are not. Someday, we shall get to know one another's friends, but as with all things in life, time and distance are unfortunate constraints.
To close - mostly so the person referenced throughout this blog post will know it is them without a doubt [I'm going to operate under the presumption they read my blog] - Puma Puma Pumaaaaaaaa. Muah! :D
Friday, February 25, 2011
An Empty Space
Individually, we all have this nasty tendency: we focus on the few things that aren't working out for us, and tend to blow them out of proportion. There are few things that I truly could complain about in my life, but as I type this, I realize that I spent the bulk of my Friday night wallowing in undeserved self-pity. Didn't really need to eat those Oreos, either, but it's a little too late for that thought.
One of the biggest things that I miss is having a fellow conversationalist in my life. I want to be able to talk about the deeper things in life - more than how someone's day is going, or what their plans are for the weekend - with someone who takes the time to actually make it into a proper discussion. For me to use the word "want" is a huge step in and of itself...my elementary years featured a slew of teachers who professed that we should use the phrase "would like", as wanting is considered rude.
At least a decade later, I believe they were wrong.
***
I realize this is a short post, and that I have not posted in quite some time, but the roller coaster that is life has definitely made blogging less of a priority that I would like in everyday life.
One of the biggest things that I miss is having a fellow conversationalist in my life. I want to be able to talk about the deeper things in life - more than how someone's day is going, or what their plans are for the weekend - with someone who takes the time to actually make it into a proper discussion. For me to use the word "want" is a huge step in and of itself...my elementary years featured a slew of teachers who professed that we should use the phrase "would like", as wanting is considered rude.
At least a decade later, I believe they were wrong.
***
I realize this is a short post, and that I have not posted in quite some time, but the roller coaster that is life has definitely made blogging less of a priority that I would like in everyday life.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
How To Tell You Are a Student Leader
I realize quite frequently that my everyday actions are shaped by my decision to serve as a leader in several organizations, and I wanted to make a list of the things that make me laugh as I realize they really pinpoint me as someone who is a student leader:
a) You are a student leader if you put your organizations before your homework at least 95% of the time.
b) You are a student leader if you don't have to look at the policy book or governing documents to know that you are accurate when someone asks you a question about an organization.
c) You are a student leader if you answer phone calls and texts into the wee hours of the morning.
d) You are a student leader if you struggle to say "no" when you know you probably should to maintain sanity.
e) You are a student leader if you attempted to color-code your planner, but then gave up when you realized that all meeting times are subject to change.
f) You are a student leader if you spend more time in an organizational office than you do sleeping in your own room.
g) You are a student leader if you have ever managed to survive for multiple days solely on the food and beverage options available in the organizational office that you spend obscene amounts of time staffing.
h) You are a student leader if you have ever sat through a meeting where it took approximately half an hour to decide the color of a t-shirt.
i) You are a student leader if "reply to all" is set as your default in your email account.
j) You are a student leader if your to-do lists for your organizational involvement are at least twice as long as your academic to-do lists.
k) You are a student leader if you generally keep multiple chat and messenger options available to others and respond equally to all.
l) You are a student leader if you have ever had a discussion concerning your email response time and it being too fast.
m) You are a student leader if you believe that reading governing documents, bids, and legislation all constitute an excellent social activity.
n) You are a student leader if you attempt to rearrange your work schedule simply to be available during schedule chat or meeting times for an organization.
o) You are a student leader if you can creep effectively to gather the information you need to succeed.
p) You are a student leader when you take the time to show someone that you care by sending a card or an inspirational message their way.
q) You are a student leader when you look at your Facebook account and realize that your family has accepted all of the odd things that are posted on your wall as a fact of life and start liking them.
r) You are a student leader when your idea of 'multitasking' involves meeting with multiple organizations at once through various means.
s) You are a student leader when it takes you less than 10 minutes to be prepared for a formal meeting.
t) You are a student leader when nearly every photo of you on Facebook features you at an organizational event.
u) You are a student leader if you know the importance of the no-shame principle.
v) You are a student leader when you know that you are never alone despite the struggles that you may face.
w) You are a student leader if you have ever spent part of your weekend writing legislation.
x) You are a student leader when the people in your speed dial immediately following at least one family member are often are others involved in mutual organizations.
y) You are a student leader if you know and understand the importance of scheduling chats simply to vent.
z) You are a student leader when life has no routine or normalcy.
Obviously, this is not an inclusive list. I haven't decided if I want to add more to it or not at this time, so I will simply state that you should stay tuned and wait for more important updates if I so choose. Remember, the life of a student leader is always full of unexpected items, so I couldn't begin to tell you when I will blog next.
a) You are a student leader if you put your organizations before your homework at least 95% of the time.
b) You are a student leader if you don't have to look at the policy book or governing documents to know that you are accurate when someone asks you a question about an organization.
c) You are a student leader if you answer phone calls and texts into the wee hours of the morning.
d) You are a student leader if you struggle to say "no" when you know you probably should to maintain sanity.
e) You are a student leader if you attempted to color-code your planner, but then gave up when you realized that all meeting times are subject to change.
f) You are a student leader if you spend more time in an organizational office than you do sleeping in your own room.
g) You are a student leader if you have ever managed to survive for multiple days solely on the food and beverage options available in the organizational office that you spend obscene amounts of time staffing.
h) You are a student leader if you have ever sat through a meeting where it took approximately half an hour to decide the color of a t-shirt.
i) You are a student leader if "reply to all" is set as your default in your email account.
j) You are a student leader if your to-do lists for your organizational involvement are at least twice as long as your academic to-do lists.
k) You are a student leader if you generally keep multiple chat and messenger options available to others and respond equally to all.
l) You are a student leader if you have ever had a discussion concerning your email response time and it being too fast.
m) You are a student leader if you believe that reading governing documents, bids, and legislation all constitute an excellent social activity.
n) You are a student leader if you attempt to rearrange your work schedule simply to be available during schedule chat or meeting times for an organization.
o) You are a student leader if you can creep effectively to gather the information you need to succeed.
p) You are a student leader when you take the time to show someone that you care by sending a card or an inspirational message their way.
q) You are a student leader when you look at your Facebook account and realize that your family has accepted all of the odd things that are posted on your wall as a fact of life and start liking them.
r) You are a student leader when your idea of 'multitasking' involves meeting with multiple organizations at once through various means.
s) You are a student leader when it takes you less than 10 minutes to be prepared for a formal meeting.
t) You are a student leader when nearly every photo of you on Facebook features you at an organizational event.
u) You are a student leader if you know the importance of the no-shame principle.
v) You are a student leader when you know that you are never alone despite the struggles that you may face.
w) You are a student leader if you have ever spent part of your weekend writing legislation.
x) You are a student leader when the people in your speed dial immediately following at least one family member are often are others involved in mutual organizations.
y) You are a student leader if you know and understand the importance of scheduling chats simply to vent.
z) You are a student leader when life has no routine or normalcy.
Obviously, this is not an inclusive list. I haven't decided if I want to add more to it or not at this time, so I will simply state that you should stay tuned and wait for more important updates if I so choose. Remember, the life of a student leader is always full of unexpected items, so I couldn't begin to tell you when I will blog next.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Plagues Against Society: Special Edition
Tonight, I am reviving my "Plagues Against Society" series because I feel that a strong issue has come to a point in my life where I need to find a way to outlet about it, and I am feeling the need to blog as well, so here it goes.
People who do their jobs in the hopes of obtaining a certain award or a certain type of recognition piss me off. The reason you take on a job is because you can perform its duties and live up to its responsibilities, not because you want some shiny award.
When you do get your shiny award, is it going to be something that you show off with pride, flaunt to garner more attention, or you toss in a box to look at once every few years? What type of legacy are you leaving to receive it, and what memories are you leaving with others who are affected by your work?
I personally hope that your skin crawls when you read this and realize the type of 'leadership' you exemplify when you have these convoluted goals is nothing to cause great amounts of pride. People aren't going to be impressed by someone who is in it to win it for the wrong reasons.
To summarize: Do it for the right reasons, not for the deceptively prideful reasons.
People who do their jobs in the hopes of obtaining a certain award or a certain type of recognition piss me off. The reason you take on a job is because you can perform its duties and live up to its responsibilities, not because you want some shiny award.
When you do get your shiny award, is it going to be something that you show off with pride, flaunt to garner more attention, or you toss in a box to look at once every few years? What type of legacy are you leaving to receive it, and what memories are you leaving with others who are affected by your work?
I personally hope that your skin crawls when you read this and realize the type of 'leadership' you exemplify when you have these convoluted goals is nothing to cause great amounts of pride. People aren't going to be impressed by someone who is in it to win it for the wrong reasons.
To summarize: Do it for the right reasons, not for the deceptively prideful reasons.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)