The title above accurately depicts much of how my life has gone in the past few days. While many of the things leading to such a reaction have been great, positive surprises, there are a few unwelcome items as well.
I know that it is wrong to hold grudges, or to be unwilling to trust another person. However, I have struggled simply to exist over the past few months, and I know that it's taken quite the toll on me. Rebuilding my confidence, as well as my need to know that I am valued by others, has been quite the uphill battle.
Many of those who know me think that I am a pessimist to the extreme, or a realist who is out to rain on everyone's parade. The reality? Quite simply, I feel that I've had to hide my true self for so long that it almost refuses to revive itself. I've taken steps in the right direction, changed my plans, and adapted to each and every obstacle that has come upon my path.
It is far simpler to write than to talk. I finally understand the meaning the words that a shy, fifteen-year-old boy wrote when he admitted that he had a crush on me. At the time, I was on top of the world, and just beginning to realize my potetial. Now, I wonder what happened to that girl, and then I realize that she's been through quite a bit. She's been knocked down, but like a true champion, she rises above the struggle and perseveres in the face of extreme adversity.
Tears rarely fall from these eyelashes, because this girl once was called a crybaby for how emotional she was. Now she's the girl who is sympathetic, but will also cry if she needs to regardless of the setting. A smile is difficult to obtain because she's been taught to be serious, and quit joking around with everything. Professional demonstration of behavior is expected. Childhood is ...
Gone. Please grow up, and realize the emotional strain your "good intent" has caused upon me and my daily life.
*Note: This is a very pointed discussion, but not one that should be taken to literally effect you as you read. Rather, I needed to let this out, and in a setting where I know that I can type and be myself.
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