douchebags: so laughably funny until you realize they don't know better.

As you can guess, this is an issue that is gripping America - and the rest of the world, I would assume, but cannot guarantee since I have not personally witnessed - and something needs to be done. The land of popped collars [please, do NOT wear multiple shirts with collars], flip-flops with the bottle opener in the bottom, nasty toenails [yes, I notice], and the hole-filled jeans that you bought that way rather than actually work and make them that way are enough to make every girl want to stab you with the nearest object that looks like it could cause damage.

Before we begin this story, it is important for us to make sure we have the same definition for "douchebag" in mind, so here is the official verdict from Urban Dictionary:

• someone who has surpassed the levels of jerk and asshole, however not yet reached fucker or motherfucker. Not to be confused with douche.
• An individual who has an over-inflated sense of self worth, compounded by a low level of intellegence, behaving ridiculously in front of colleagues with no sense of how moronic he appears.
• A person with a shitty personality that needs to "take themself the fuck down" or "go home and get their fucking shine box." A douchebag usually assumes the form of a hair-gelling pretty-boy but can also be described as an overzealous, pompous, or vexatious asshole that most people wish were killed with a Mortal Kombat fatality
• The term "douchbag" generally refers to a male with any number of characteristics not associated with one particular region or age demographic. Douchebag is a combination of attitude qualities, social ability, and attire.
      In terms of geography douchebags can be found nearly anywhere. For instance, douchebags can be seen in New Jersey where fake diamond earrings, frosted spiked hair, Razor phones, half a can of Axe, unbuttoned collared shirts, Fossil watches, overly groomed chinstraps, backwards colored Yankee hats with the sticker still attached and 2002 Mustangs are considered "tight." At the same time douchebags are also plentiful in the Southwest where on any given Wednesday night on frat row in Tempe you can find males who find it "sweet shit" to wear pink collared shirts, while donning the following attire: pukka-shelled necklaces, fake skater shoes, have some variation of an Asian symbol tattoo on their shoulder or back, wear a Hurley hat that sits cockeyed on their head, throw various fake gang signs during pictures and drive their dad's old white 1997 convertible M3 BMW. They also generally find the length of time one drinks while doing a "keg-stand" directly correlates with the amount of pussy one can get.
      As mentioned douchebags transcend not only various geographical locations, but age demographics as well. For instance, douchebags are quite often seen just south of Sarasota, FL as evidenced by 45 year old men who still wear Oakley's, shave their chests, wear shirts that read "ride" on the front and "me" on the back, and think its cool to wear white K-Swiss'. They are usually on first name basis with the girls at Hooters, and think white T-shirt contests with 1/2 half-off Margaritas are better than a baseball game with $1 beers. At the same time, we can see young 21 year old douchebags in West L.A. who still think that Dolce Gabana belt buckles, and fo-hawks are "pimp shit."
  
  In terms of behavior douchebags have an over-inflated sense of self worth, lack the social ability to interact with non-douchebags, and have tricked their minds into thinking that they "get mad pussy." The irony is that they very rarely get pussy, but amazingly have the amazing propensity to talk quite often about allegedly getting it. 

Obviously, I could continue endlessly with this fun. Urban Dictionary provides me with over 25 fun pages to define this one curse upon society alone.

The kicker: this particular douchebag was in our local Hy-Vee, which seems to cater to these creatures with pre-packaged "homemade" dinners. His purchases: a meatloaf dinner, and a GIANT box of condoms. Wow. Whoever is allowing this guy to put his penis in them needs to be shot on sight, because they have terrible taste. While I suppose this particular douchebag should be given kudos for buying the ultra-huge package of condoms, this only intensified my hatred for him as I began the cycle of an allergic reaction. There's a reason I avoid the "[oh shit I don't really want a] family planning" section of every store.

The only photo I was able to attempt to obtain sent my phone into a tizzy of hatred, and it immediately shut itself off. Smart phone. Since I can't provide an image of the dumbass who spent $9 on a meatloaf dinner alone, I took the liberty of finding a very well-defined image to assist you in spotting the douchebags in your life.

Please read, learn, and educate those around you so we can save society from these blemishes that occur. If you realize that you fall under these definitions, you can recover yourself and still be a productive and accepted member of society if you begin to change immediately and drastically.

To close: some more images that I found, and had to post. You understand; education is key.