As a matter of fact, I'm not sure of the last time I was truly myself. I feel like I'm always holding something back, or keeping a secret, or on the verge of some mysterious new happening. The one thing I do know is that I've managed to become a more positive person in spite of all of the questions and negativity that life throws my way.
It's been a difficult struggle. Sometimes I think life was simpler when I was negative about things and didn't truly look forward to them. However, I know that I was also lessening the potential impact that I could have on my own life as well as the lives of others who I care about. We all go through those hurdles that makes life a struggle sometimes, and while it may seem that the deck sure is stacked against some folks, the key is to remember that you are never alone.
I contemplated life, its meaning, and far more today. It seems strange to say that I did all of this while thinking about all of the second chances that I've been granted. Thank you to those of you who have and always will believe in me, and to those of you who always push me to strive for my potential.
I am a person who will ask questions, who enjoys playing devil's advocate, and always analyzing and contemplating future interactions. I have to visualize the prize, as cheesy as it may sound. If I can't close my eyes and picture myself doing something, it's a struggle, but the imagination sure is a powerful thing, especially when you consider that you never seem to judge something while you're imagining it, only before and after.
The biggest thing that I have worked on in the past year is how to visualize myself in different roles, and this is something that I'm going to continue to develop in the next year. There are so many different aspects of being a leader that I want to pass on, but at the same time, it's not always my place to do so. I have some great mentors who have truly helped me to better understand how to take what I see and act upon it appropriately rather than allowing me to play with fire and suffer the consequences. Being able to talk about the things that are on my mind, even with those who completely disagree with me, has been refreshing. It is nice to talk to another person who has been in similar circumstances and has persevered despite the odds.
Summer life gives much time to thought, and I have really started to learn quite a bit about myself, think through how I want to be perceived in all that I do, and also how valuable some of the friendships that I have developed thus far in my college career truly are to me. I wish there were words to explain how much some people mean to me, but I'm afraid that I'll never be able to truly let them know how influential they have been upon me in key points where I simply needed someone to be there for me. Some of you know who you are, others might not understand where I am coming from or see their role in my life as minimal. Variety is the spice of life, and I wish that I could bring you all together to meet one another...because that would be one amazing group of people. :)
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